A World Dommination Driven Guide to Minion Maintenance

Rules for the unlawful use and possession of minions.

Rule 12- Provide your minions with the most cost effective weaponry available. They are most likely going to die and lose it anyways so you might as well not waste the money. Spend it instead on a shiny red button only you are allowed to press!

Rule 11- Make sure you are dressed far superior to your minions. Your outfit is key to striking fear in to your minions’ hearts and the hearts of your enemies.

Rule 10- Make sure your number of minions out numbers the minions of your enemy.

Rule 9- Make sure your minions can dance because you don’t want to get served…yo!

Rule 8- Make sure your minions wear uniform bright, caution orange jumpsuit as this is the traditional minion attire and is also recommended by the minion Union 2243532. White with green latex is also and exceptable choice if you are going for the economy route.

Rule 7- Make sure your minions don’t understand the basic concepts they are serving as this will surely lead to turmoil within your minion ranks.

Rule 6- Make sure your minions possess an IQ of greater than George W. and less than you. No
one needs a smart minion but they must be able to function with basic motor skills.

Rule 5- Always send a minion in for negotiations, because it is obvious that if you possess minions your only terms will be that of complete surrender and that the entire human race becomes your slaves. This will undoubtedly spark hostilities in which the minion will be publicly executed by the enemy to set an example. Better the minion than you!

Rule 4- Do not mistreat your minions unless you are sure that they are the reason either your plans for world domination failed or that your always faithful animal side kick cat crapped on the rug behind the recliner in the front room! The incriminated minion must then be publicly executed to make an example. This must be done in accordance with section 618 paragraph 6 of the minion abuse guidelines of 1965 and at least twice a month.

Rule 3- Minions are almost people too; make sure they have a well balanced diet of gruel and water. Remember a mostly healthy minion is alive and can die for your cause.

Rule 2- Do not get attached to any of your minions, they are expendable.

Rule 1- Never leave home without you minions because the last thing you want is to get jumped in a dark alley on the east side of town without your minions, or maybe that is the next to last thing. The real last thing you want to happen when your minions don’t have your back is to get jumped in a nursing home by a bunch of old people hopped up on pudding and prune juice. That there is some serious crap, man, and if you are subdued you’ll end up watching reruns of The Price is Right, and drinking your food through a straw!